Catato Patch 

‘Take that! World Boss Style: [Fireball]!’

 

Mouth wide open, I aimed my head towards that mage and spat out a tiny, tiny ball of fire that promptly caused an even tinier fire to sprout from his clothes. Looks like it scalded him slightly…

 

‘My strongest skill is [Fireball] huh...why am I not surprised that it’s so much worse than the other world bosses, how disgraceful…’ As I thought that, I frantically rushed towards the exit of the newbie village.

 

Then, under the watchful eyes of the masses, I waddled onwards with a limp and a twist. You can’t even walk and yet you still wish to run?! That was the verdict given to me by the oh so cruel mistress known as reality.

 

‘That summary did say I was a newly-hatched Widdle Dragon, so my limping and twisting is because a Widdle Dragon can’t move too well right after being born…’

 

Thus, a world boss slowly waddled its way out of Newbies’ Village without any dignity to speak of… ‘I want to bury my head in the sand…’

 

“That boss is kind of adorable!” Was the sound of an unknown female player’s voice.

 

‘I know my disgraceful boss self is very cute, please stop talking about that already...my tears are going to fall…’

 

Thus, with countless -5,4,-3,+8,-4 floating around me, I finally made my way out of Newbies’ Village… ‘having played countless RPGs and having gone through countless newbie villages, having a bunch of players gang up on me like that in a newbie village has to be a first...that had to be the unfriendliest newbie village ever, period!’

 

Having left the newbie village, I chose to head east of Newbies’ Village for no reason in particular other than that I didn’t know where else to go.

 

‘Prairie Plains huh...come to think of it, aren’t the developers Chinese? Why must they come up with such a western name...well, that’s none of my business I guess.’

 

Before knowing it, I finally arrived in Prairie Plains. Looking around, I found myself in a vast expanse of grasslands that extended all the way to the horizon. Chilly breeze blowing across the plains, a tidal wave of green seemed to wash through the boundless grasslands.

 

‘Boundless huh…’ As that thought ran through my mind, I quietly called up the menu screen and upon doing so, a giant map opened up before me of which the Prairie Plains only formed a tiny portion of.

 

-5,-1,-3,+8,-2

 

‘Amazing, to think this giant grassland is only a fraction of the entire world.’ I couldn’t help but sigh as I gazed at the endless plains. ‘Isn’t this a little too much effort even if it’s to create a Full-Immersion effect.’

 

As that thought ran through my mind, I gently bent down and plucked a blade of grass.

 

-5,-1,-1,+8.

 

‘If you closely inspect each blade of grass, you can see the sheer detail that went into crafting such a realistic blade of grass.’

 

‘This is bad, I’m getting a little excited already. Should I give it a sniff?’ As I thought that, I raised the grass to my snout and sniffed it.

 

‘*sniff sniff* This is bad, really bad, I might just get addicted to this sensation’ There was no mistaking it, even the scent of grass was faithfully replicated. ‘Should I give it a lick?’

 

‘Hmm…it’s not like I’ve eaten grass before so I’ll just pass on that for now.’

 

‘Ahhhh, as a player, I’m just so excited right now!’

 

‘There’s no doubt about it at all, this is a triple-A Full-Immersion game!’ (TL: high budget games)

 

‘Full-Immersion, banzai!’ (TL: banzai:hooray)

 

-5,-4,+8,-5,+8. That familiar string of numbers caught my attention once more. ‘Ah, right, those players are still attacking me.’

 

‘Ah aah, this game would be even better without these annoying people...it’s been half an hour already and you guys are still following me...shouldn’t you guys be completing some quests from NPCs or something, exactly how great is your obsession with me, isn’t it tiring?’

 

‘You bunch of Lvl 1 scrubs really want that 100% drop rate gold gear huh...come to think of it, isn’t 100% a little too high…’

 

I turned around to look at the three players who were still in the midst of pelting me with their basic attacks. Judging from their outfits, they should be a warrior, a mage and an assassin.

 

‘So after all that messing around, there’s only three of you guys left? Exactly how high are your basic attack levels right now?! What a bunch of obsessed kids. You know, you guys are the kind of people E-sports need! That’s right, on the path of electronic competitive gaming, hard work is justice!’

 

Suddenly, tn the midst of my musings, the mage charged in and gave me a resounding staff bash. CRIT 22!

 

‘Jeebus, that’s right, in this day and age, the only way a mage can get some real action is by being at close range, just look at that super painful critical hit he just gave me.’

 

‘Kid, you have a bright future ahead of you! I’ll remember your name, ImNotASaltedFish!’ *weeping tears of admiration(pain)*

 

(TL: Salted fish in this case refers to someone whose existence doesn’t matter at all. Colloquially, salted fish refers to a dead body. Origins from <<Shaolin Soccer>>: If a man doesn’t have any dreams, how is he any different from a salted fish? Picture below.)

 

‘That warrior on the other hand, even with such a fearsome warhammer he can’t even land a critical hit. What an embarrassment, just leave the party already!’

 

‘As they say, a tiger who leaves his cave gets bullied by dogs, a dragon who lands gets ridden by three. No matter what, I can’t let this go on anymore.’ I turned around and threw out a Flying Dragon in the Sky, ah I mean, [Claw Swipe].

 

(TL: Refers to a person of power who lost said power.)

 

Without any warning, I landed a resounding smack on ImNotASaltedFish’s face and immediately the mage revealed a pained expression. However, that attack didn’t seem enough to finish him off.

 

‘Mhm, for a mage with no gear, no skills and an innately low physical defense to survive a smack from a world boss means that my [Claw Swipe] must’ve really sucked.’

 

‘Hold on! Just wait a second here…’

 

‘Why can’t I see that their HP bars?!’