Catato Patch 

“Mister Ye, your Full-Immersion helmet has been delivered.” At the other end of the phone was a soft, elegant voice that sounded androgynous.

 

Was that the elven mage from before? If I didn’t know any better, I would have never connected this gentle voice to that wild elf from before. Really, why was that mage’s voice so gentle!? Those who work in media just aren’t the same breed as us…

 

“Alright, I’ve received it already.” As I said that, I tried on the helmet which I had kept under my arms all this while. That ended up taking a bit longer than expected thanks to my excited trembling.

 

“Oh right, there’s something you need to know, Mister Ye. After putting on the Full-Immersion helmet, your body will not be able to recover its motor functions until you press the logout button in game. Trying to pull it off directly won’t accomplish anything. Moreover, doing so might cause your body to go into a seizure.”

 

“Mhm, mhm, thanks for the warning.” *cold sweat*

 

*wipes* Waaah, that was close, I almost put it on back then.

 

“There’s not really much more you need to pay attention to other than that, please remember to read through the manual thoroughly.” With that, the androgynous voice on the other end respectfully said goodbye and hung up.

 

Gentle and courteous...so that was SoulHeavenPride? Man, people really take on a different persona when they play a game huh...SoulHeavenPride, you’ve changed…

 

Cough cough, anyway, it’s time...for me to start my Full-Immersion journey!

……

My name is Ye Ying, a man with the qualities of wisdom and a hikikomori combined into one convenient package. (Yup, no plagiarism to be found here.)

 

(TL: hikikomori : social recluses to put it simply. Check wikipedia if you want more information.)

 

Thus it was so that I, Ye Ying, the [Player Boss] , accepted the invitation of [New Capital Gaming Co.] to participate in the Full-Immersion game, [Fan Tian].

 

At this point, it was worth mentioning how much of a bro that elven mage was. Not only did he send me a free Full-Immersion helmet, he sent me the kind that cost over 10 000 rmb. “Smooth as silk gameplay” here I come!

 

Hahahaha, with this contraption, I can earn some pocket change for myself, start a streaming career, found a gaming company, create a multinational corporation, get rich, marry a model and finally reach the epitome of human life! Just thinking about that gives me the shivers!

 

I, Ye Ying, am going to be a king that everyone turns their eyes to.

 

Hah, mortals, are you all ready to accept your divine punishment? As the strongest player, I am going to dominate this game!

 

I’m going to be a dual sword wielding stud! Link Sta…!

 

$%#@^*^!(((@@meow...

 

My ears were instantly flooded with a screeching sound after which a stream of gibberish flew past my eyes.

 

Warning! An alarm blared in the background and a red menu suddenly popped up before my eyes.

 

*dang dang dang dang…* Error messages kept flying out at my face and amidst a cacophony of garbled sounds, swallowed me up. At the same time, my helmet began to heat up.

 

It was then that I couldn’t help but recall a certain news article not too long ago: if your Full-Immersion helmet overheats, there’s a chance it might explode…!

 

Shoot, I need to get this thing off quick or my head will…

 

‘BANG’ , as that imagery zipped past my head, I couldn’t help but shiver.

 

No way that’s going to happen right?! What if the police come to investigate my apartment and find me headless because of a overheated Full-Immersion helmet? That speechless look on their face, I can picture it right now.

 

Sh*t! That’s just too embarrassing! I don’t want to die like that!

 

I frantically tried to move my arms and take off that helmet. However, no matter how hard I tried, the helmet refused to budge.

 

‘ After putting on the Full-Immersion helmet, your body will not be able to recover its motor functions until you press the logout button in game.’ It was then that the voice of SoulHeavenPride popped up in my head once more.

 

Nooo, I’m screwed. Is this punishment for all those memes?!

 

It’s the world’s fault that I’m so memey!

 

Life...is just a garbage game! If this is the game universe...I…

 

As suddenly as they came, the tidal wave of warning messages receded and the red [Warning]s started to revert back to deep blue which signified safety.

 

Ah, it’s back to normal...this has to be first time I’ve ever felt so relieved from looking at a shade of deep blue...I guess those death flags aren’t all that deadly after all.

 

*dang dang dang dang…*As in response to that thought, the tidal wave of error messages popped out once more and amidst a cacophony of those same garbled sounds, swallowed me whole. The helmet began to heat up once more…

 

Big Brother, I’m wrong!

 

And then, just as that admission left my mouth, the warning disappeared…

 

Shii*, that damned SoulHeavenPride must have given me the “daddy” helmet! No wonder these things are so expensive!

 

For just the low low price of X0 000 rmb, you can enjoy the feeling of having a helmet boss you around like a dad, a steal if I do say so myself!

 

But if it’s so expensive, why can’t it communicate like a normal human being! I griped while huddling in a corner of the Full-Immersion world, body shivering and tears streaming down my face.

 

Ah, I can tell what kind of game this is going to be already. I’ll bet my five cents that it’s an epic-grade “daddy” game as well.

 

Honestly, I just want to start this game and press the logout button already. I wonder if my head is still there? Maybe I can film a Hollywood money if it’s gone…

 

A while later, a fluorescent ray of light slowly washed over the entire deep blue space and lit it up.

 

Perhaps it was because I had no eyes to speak of in this world, that light didn’t seem at all glaring despite the fact that I was staring right into it.

 

Thus, the white light started to envelope me.

 

It was then that I knew, my life in [Fan Tian] was about to begin...