Catato Patch 

Following a round of intimidation, the captured small imp happily agreed to bring us to his boss. After around ten minutes of walking, we met the group who tried to attack us two days ago. The group which had four large imps leading them.

 

Their boss was shocked by our sudden arrival and immediately bellowed to the others to prepare the defences.

 

“Don’t worry, we aren’t here to fight.” I said as I stepped out of the shadow of Big 1 and onto the center stage. While they were recovering from the shock, I pointed at the cliffs and continued:

 

“I’m sure you’ve already seen the despicable scum blocking us from our common destination over there. They are definitely out to kill us and consume our flesh and souls. I had originally planned to charge into the blockade, but changed my mind in the end because of their immense numbers. If it was just us alone, attacking them would be suicidal. However, I’m sure we aren’t the only ones having trouble entering that tunnel. I plan on gathering everyone, and with our combined might, break through that blockade! Are you guys willing to join me?”

 

“...” The boss scratched his head. He looked at us before turning towards the stairs and said in a deep, low voice: “Why aren’t we the ones leading you?”

 

Me: “...”

 

Idiot, does it look like you have the brains for it!?

 

I wanted to burst out and say that however, I restrained myself for the greater good.

 

“Why?”

 

With a wave of my hand, I turned their attention to the devil army standing behind me. “Because our fist is bigger than yours!”

 

“We won’t know until we fight it out!”

 

“Oh, so you’re saying you want to fight?”

 

“...”

 

Silence. The large imp looked at me once more before turning back to the stairs; a conflicted look on his face.

 

To be honest, I didn’t want to fight either. If we really came to blows it would’ve been a pyrrhic victory for us. Without our numbers, how are we going to break through to the upper floor entrance? Don’t forget, there was only three days left before the blood sea engulfs this level.

 

However, in order to subjugate these devils without fighting, I had to show them my tough side. If I falter here and let them take the reins, what awaited us was.....I really can’t imagine a scenario where we wouldn’t get into an argument with these muscle headed imps right as we combined forces.

 

This was why I must be the one to lead this combined army.

 

On the other side, the large imp was stuck in a dilemma. He wanted to defeat me, but he knew that even if he won, what awaited him was merely death at the stairway.

 

Just as we entered this awkward stalemate, a domineering voice echoed from above us, “Since you guys have no way to decide, let me decide for you!”

 

Everyone present immediately turned their heads towards the source of this voice. It was a one-eyed large imp standing atop a mound of rocks. As the winds blew around him, his scarred visage painted a truly imposing picture.

 

The one-eyed large imp was clearly enjoying the attention of our parties as he excitedly displayed a posture which screamed: ‘Look at me, I’m so powerful!’ In accordance with his previous grandstanding, he leaped off the mound and tripped as he landed…

 

*bang*

 

After his magnificent fall, the large imp awkwardly stood up and coughed, “Ahem, excuse me, my left eye is blind so I didn’t see that rock. I thought it was flat ground.”

 

Everyone: “...”

 

Such a unique character.

 

“Who are you?”

 

Such an unusual entrance...why is Purgatory so full of potatoes like him…

 

“Me? Haha, just call me One-eye.” The one-eyed large imp pointed his thumb at himself as he said so. In a boisterous voice he said, “I’m looking for people to ally with. Let’s join hands everyone and head towards a brighter future together! Under my leadership, we’ll head towards victory...Hahahaha…”

 

What’s with this chuuni like behaviour...did he grow up reading japanese shonen manga? No wait, Purgatory has no internet, god damnit! [1]

 

The other party’s large imp reacted disdainfully as well to his proclamations. “Huh? Alliance? Just you alone?”

 

“Of course not, there are people behind me!”

 

“Where are they?”

 

“Be...hind me...” The one-eyed large imp turned and looked. There was no one. He stood there stunned for a moment before bellowing, “Get out here now! All of you. You dense bunch of idiots.”

 

“Boss, you are the one who told us not to come out without any orders given.” The source of this voice was a slightly skinny large imp. He led a large group of devils out of the shadow of the rock mound. Hmm? He’s missing a finger on his left hand. Is he going to introduce himself as Nine-finger? Just like his boss.

 

His fingers aside, Nine-finger led a large army of devils which amounted to over a hundred. Their large imps alone, numbered eight. With One-eye and Nine-finger counted inside, it would be ten.

 

“Boss, I’ve always been an obedient guy.”

 

“Obedient? If this devil asks you to eat shit, will you do it?”

 

“...Boss. You are too cruel…” The impudent imp balked at this suggestion. “Again?...But I just had shit yesterday…”

 

Me: “...”

 

Screw you guys, are you all performing a crosstalk or something!? [2]

​

 

The appearance of these two stunned the crowd. I was so stunned that I forgot to get angry. Don’t tell me these two idiots are here to perform a comedy skit? But that army behind them…

 

“Ahem, since my people are here, we can continue our previous conversation.”

 

One-eye swept his gaze over both of our groups and began to speak. But he was interrupted by his sidekick with a nudge of his shoulder. He turned towards him and stared intently. “Boss, that’s some high class goods over there.”

 

“I’m aware of that.” With his grandstanding interrupted before he began, One-eye stared at his sidekick with his brows furrowed and pretended not to hear him.

 

There’s no point pretending...and what high class goods...damn it!? What the heck happened to my body!? Why do all the devils stare at me with such a weird look on their faces?

 

Nine-finger’s ‘whisper’ was clearly heard by everyone present. This included Big 1 and the others. Big 1, 2, 3 and No.2, 3 immediately stepped in front of me and surrounded me in a tight protective ring. As for No.4 and No.5...they were planning to step slightly forward but after comparing One-eye’s body with theirs, they chose to defend my butt in the end.

 

One-eye flashed what he thought was a dashing, but was actually extremely hideous, smile at me: “Don’t worry, even though you are really pretty, what’s more important is getting into that tunnel…”

 

“What do you mean pretty!? I’m handsome you hear me!? Look closely, I AM A GUY! G-U-Y, GUY!”

 

How infuriating! Why the heck did all these Purgatory devils treat me as a beautiful female devil. What’s more, it was the kind of beauty who brought calamity to their city and country. This devil is a man! The kind whose fists can support a person standing on them and whose shoulders can support a race track. An iron-blooded man! It’s just that my pee pee took a vacation. There’s no guarantee that he won’t come back!

 

“Mhm, I’ve definitely given it a thorough look through.” One-eye’s sole eye gave me the x-ray treatment as he looked over my body. Shit, I got goosebumps again.

 

Nine-finger whispered in his boss’s ears: “Boss, didn’t you say that now wasn’t the time for such things?”

 

“I know that, you don’t have to remind me!” He smacked Nine-finger on the head before turning to us with a satisfied look on his face: “Let’s continue our talk about an alliance.”

 

“I feel that this alliance should be led by our boss, he’s the strongest here and is definitely able to lead us all to a glorious future!” Just as One-eye finished his sentence, Nine-finger rushed forward with his bootlicking. After finishing, he asked in an ingratiating tone: “Boss, did I say it correctly?”

 

One-eye nodded, “Mhm, not bad. A round of applause.”

 

“Applause!” Nine-finger took the lead in clapping. The others slowly joined in dribs and drabs, despite not knowing what applause meant…

 

“Thank you, thank you. Thanks for all the support…” One-eye cupped his fists in a showy gesture of appreciation. He raised his head as he did so, a satisfied look on his face.

 

Wow, it’s really a crosstalk act….

 

After his round of bootlicking, he finally remembered that he had something important to say. “In that case, Boss should be the one to lead our charge into the entrance. Any objections?”

 

Cough. Too tired to tsukkomi. [3]

 

“Why aren’t we the ones leading?” The four imp group chimed in once more, reluctant to lose their leadership position.

 

One-eye threw them a disdainful look and continued ignoring them.

 

Nine-finger reverted back to his role as a court jester and coldly said: “Because we are larger than you. If you don’t listen to use, we will bash you to death.”

 

After finishing, he even made a swiping gesture across his neck.

 

The four man group kept quiet at this. While they weren’t satisfied with the outcome, they didn’t intend to resist to the bitter end.

 

“If you guys are the ones in charge, I’ll back out of this alliance.” It’s time to bring this comedy to an end. It’s a matter of life and death right now. Rather than wasting time on this nonsense, I rather use the time to find new alliance members.

 

“Back out? Pretty lady, may I ask why you wish to back out? What do you plan on doing after backing out?”

 

“Pretty my ass! I already said I’m a guy not a girl!”

 

Seeing me flare up, One-eye immediately changed his statement: “Alright, alright. This pretty...man, may I know what you plan on doing after backing out?”

 

The veins on my forehead were about to burst at this moment, but I had no choice except to ignore that damned adjective of ‘pretty’. If it wasn’t for his superior numbers, I would’ve murdered him already.

 

“I’ll just search around for groups I can recruit.”

 

“But we are the strongest power in this region, in terms of recruitment, we will definitely be faster than you.”

 

“Then I’ll head further out to search.” I replied in a resolute tone.

 

“Pretty...man, why aren’t you willing to ally with us? I’m very strong and can protect you guys. What’s wrong with being commanded by me? Isn’t obeying the strong the natural instinct of our race?”

 

“It’s because you are brainless! BRAINLESS!” Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. I pointed at my brain as I shouted: “Pure strength isn’t enough right now. You need to have brains!”

“There’s at least a hundred large imps guarding that entrance, not to mention the hordes of small imps. If I let you take command, you will definitely charge headlong into that blockade with us in tow.”

 

“Have you ever thought of leaving some reserves behind? Do you know how to grow stronger off battles? Have you ever considered that there might be a Head Imp leading that horde? Or even a Demon Child!?”

 

This was the first time I’ve ever vented my anger after reincarnating into Purgatory. It has hardly been two weeks since I’ve arrived here, but Purgatory just rubs me up the wrong way. Everytime I look at the red viscous sea water, I have this strange itch in my throat. I wanted to spit at it but nothing came out.

 

I had to endure these potatoes beside me messing around. On top of that, I had to witness numerous cruel scenes of imps killing each other. And those weird stares that these bunch of homosexuals keep giving me… I’ve had enough. I want to return to the surface. Back to the western human realms! No matter what, I want to return home!

 

If a potato tries to stop me, I’ll bury that potato! Even if I was to die, I want to die on human soil!

 

“Beautiful, dazzling, noble, determined, resolute, fearless, saintly...” In the face of my anger, One-eye suddenly knelt down, his sole eye tearing up. His eyes blinked furiously as if I was radiating light at the moment.

 

“Hey hey! What’s the matter with you!? Why are you kneeling!?”

 

I just scolded you, why are you kneeling before me? Exactly what’s going on here? Don’t tell me you are the legendary masochist?

 

“I...I...I think I’ve fallen for you…” One-eye threw me a worshipful look as he continued kneeling. “You are just too perfect, I...I...you must accept me as your subordinate…”

 

Me: “...”

 

What the heck! I know I should be happy that someone is swearing their allegiance to me, but why do I feel like I just swallowed a hundred flies!