Catato Patch 

“Cough, ptooey…” I promptly spat out the seemingly adorable but deadly life form before it could choke me to death.

 

I initially thought that it was a soft, mushy slime, kind of like a fruit slushie, but the moment it slid down my throat, I knew I was wrong; who would have ever expected such an unpleasant sensation, not me clearly!

 

Its consistency felt almost like mud and was basically inedible. ‘Damn, even though I’m starving right now, I’ll have to pass on this. Endure, endure…’

 

“Fumu, wub wub.”

 

‘Oh, what do we have here? That slime seems extra mad now that I spat it out. Hey, I didn’t even eat you to begin with...you’re so hard to swallow after all.’

 

“Fumu fumu.” The slime’s jelly twisted into the shape of a tiny fist and began feebly punching me.

 

*pah pah*

 

‘Sh*t, I can’t take it anymore, it’s too cute! I think my nose is about to bleed.’

 

‘Where’s the heartless fellow who tried to eat this adorable little creature, sheesh. Just look at that, its gelatin is still covered in drool. Truly a monster, that fellow.’

 

‘No, no, it wasn’t me who tried to eat it. How should I say this...it’s my split personality. That’s right! The Evil King True Dragon was the one who tried to eat it…’

 

‘Alright, alright, it’s that guy’s fault, here, I’ll apologize on his behalf.’

 

I gently extended a claw towards it as a sign of goodwill. Wobbling, it looked at my extended dragon claw and then turned to look at my broad, grinning choppers filled with kindness and mirth.’

 

‘Eh? Why is it trembling in fright?! I don’t mean you any harm, here, handshake handshake...maybe it’s my smile?’

 

With that in mind, I put on an even more radiant smile.

 

‘Eh, why is it running away. Come back, I’m really lonely by myself…’

 

‘I get it, you don’t like others smiling at you, right? Because the slimes have no face of their own, I have to be expressionless as well.’

 

Thus, I put on my best expressionless.jpg.

 

‘Mhm, looks like it’s finally working out. Just look at the little slime jump onto my claws. That elegant jiggling, it’s so alluring...oh my, it jumped onto my head directly.’

 

‘Oooo, it’s so cute. As expected of Slime-chan, everyone’s idol. No wonder it was voted the most popular monster amongst all the RPGs...that soft, slender figure, those clear, black eyes and that cerulean shade of blue...so cute!’

 

However, food was still an issue as my stomach was quick to remind me.

 

*rumble rumble...*

 

“Fume?!”

 

‘That’s right, Slime-chan, my tummy is hungry. Do you know any barbecue stall nearby run by some skilled master? Ah, I’m dying here.’

 

At that, the slime jumped off my head and pointed at the soil.

 

‘Ah. No, I can’t eat that…’

 

However, it didn’t seem to understand me at all and proceeded to demonstrate the proper etiquette for eating grass and soil. Judging by those “mu mu”, it seemed to be enjoying itself as well.

 

‘No, even if you show me that expression, I won’t eat dirt…’

 

‘No matter what, I’m still a dragon and this dragon wants meat!’

 

With that in mind, I began frantically searching around… ‘Found it...right over there. That textbook example of a herbivore: a snowy white deer. Tasty and safe to eat, whether it’s reality or in-game! I’ve decided, I choose you!’

 

‘Even though its five horns look rather strange...but no matter how I look at it, there shouldn’t be a problem, right?’

 

‘Here I go! Itadakimasu!’

 

Seeing me pounce, the white deer merely stood there and with a gentle swish of his head, tossed a [Wind Blade] at me.

 

‘Hmph, does it look like a low level skill like that will damage me?! Come then, bring it on!!!’

 

*puchi* The [Wind Blade] rushed at me with subsonic speeds and...damaged me. ‘Waaah, it hurts so much!’

 

4731!

 

‘Hmm? This...this script is a little off, isn’t it?! Isn’t that damage a little too high!?’

 

I immediately brought up the status menu…

 

HP: 4301/9032

 

‘Isn’t that too painful, what’s going on here?! Ahhh, despair!’

 

‘Don’t tell me this white deer is a big brother as well?! Ahem, Big Brother, please don’t be angry, I’m just joking with you…’

 

*weep weep weep* As I continued trembling, I slowly backed away from the deer. It didn’t chase after me and seemed content to gaze at me from a distance.

 

‘Just you wait! Three decades eastward, three decades westward! This dragon will have his day, someday! *weep weep weep* Once I become a Martial Emperor, I’ll come get you!’

 

‘I...think Slime-chan is right, for a low level like me, I shouldn’t be so picky!’

 

Thus, after taking a deep breath, I shoved my face into the dirt.

 

‘That’s right, the ancients once said, at the height of one’s arrogance, one must eateth dirt! The ancients were right!’

 

‘Itadakimasu!’ *weep weep weep*...

 

[Congratulations, Widdle Dragon has earned the title, Dirt-eating Dragon King. Furthermore, Widdle Dragon has earned the passive skill [I Want to Eat Dirt]! Soil digestion rate has increased by 10%!]

 

‘......’

 

‘F^#k you! You hear me, system, f#@k you!’

 

‘A passive like that I can live without! I don’t want to be such a weak sauce boss anymore!’